I just realized that I’ve been so busy since I relocated to California that this blog more or less became a dead blog (instagram posts aside).
So many things have happened since I came here that I don’t think I can fit everything in one kilometric post (or I probably can, but I will probably end up boring you with my ramblings, if I haven’t yet). I was planning to write a summary and a thank you for all the adventures and experiences I’ve had in 2012, but I was down in Orange County celebrating the official start of a relationship that I thought would last for years, but only lasted for a month and a half.
I’m doing good, work is great and I’ve adjusted pretty well. I still miss all the people that I left when I came here, but at the same time I’ve also met some amazing and fun people here, so I guess that’s all good.
I’d like to say that I’m happy overall, but I can’t. I met someone and in the short time that I’ve known her, I loved her. I still do. The first weeks since we started to get to know each other was electric. I appreciate a lot of women but rarely fall for anyone, but when I do, it’s one of those sorta ‘love at first sight’ moments where I just know that that person is going to be important and play a significant part in my life.
We broke up in the weirdest of ways. She thought I broke up with her through text when I didn’t and when I told her that I still want to keep the relationship, she told me she wanted to start over as friends. She wasn’t really over her ex when we became a couple, but she’s the one who initiated and I asked her if she was ready and she was sure, because I could wait…the last thing that I wanted was to be someone’s rebound, but at the end of the day that’s all that I was to her.
We met up with each other again last week, 2 months after we broke up. ..I probably shouldn’t have done it, because I went to spend 2 nights at her place before I went to Dinah Shore, this massive lesbian 4-day event at Palm Springs, and I think that just gave me some bad juju because the whole point of going to Dinah was to meet new people and have fun, but instead I just had to see her and remind myself of what I can’t have anymore.
I cut my trip to Palm Springs short and went back to her place and spent another 2 nights there. You probably think I’m crazy, don’t you? I guess I am.
I still want her. I think I always will. It’s crazy because we weren’t even together that long. Usually I”m the one who gets over people quickly. I guess this is karma bitch slapping me on the face, huh?
I spent several days at her place but we only hung out as friends because that’s what she wants and I don’t want to force her to be with me in the way that I want because I know that it will only make her become more distant and I don’t want to lose her, even as a friend. I can’t believe I’ve reached a new level of being pathetic, jesus.
After all the stress that I had with my 2 previous relationships I promised myself that I won’t get into one that has too much drama. I mean, that was the point of taking 2 years off dating and making an effort to meet someone, but I guess people can’t really choose the people that they fall for :/
You know what’s even crazier? I’m moving to Orange County so we can be room mates. Not housemates, but actual room mates, as in sharing a room together. I don’t know why I’m torturing myself like this.
Being with her last week and this week was already torture because she was so near, she was right there, but I couldn’t be as close as I wish I could be. And now I’m actually going to give up my perfect apartment in the perfect location with my perfect roommates, just to be with this girl who is the cause of both my happiness and my misery.
But I feel like this is something that I need to do…I still believe that there’s something there, and I’d rather regret trying and failing than regretting not trying. I can always move back to LA if things don’t work out I guess.
Ah well. I feel like I’m setting myself up for depression with what I’m about to do, but I’ve always been a risk taker, so I’ll take the risk and the consequences that come with it.
Ugh, sorry…first blog in 5-6 months and instead of rambling about happy things I end up whining about a girl :/
I hope that the next time that I post something it will have a happier tone, until then, wish me luck, tumblr!